Being yourself

Tonight I had a conversation with someone about being yourself. Do we do things because we want it or because we think other people expect us to do so?

In the course of time I have gradually become more "me". At school I always did my homework properly, worried about what my classmates would think of me. Resulting in a kind of shyness. Not that I didn't say anything, but what I said was not usually what I felt or what I desired. I kept myself busy either with others or the understanding the matericalistic things. I tried to figure out what people expected of me and carried it out. So I finished high school, I studied at the university. 
Meanwhile I have made quite a few steps in a different direction. After my studies I decided to be a teacher in highschool instead of a software development and later to give up my teachers job given to become a musician. The ultimate goal to be the singing songwriter. Or maybe not the ultimate goal, but the next step. 
I have long doubted whether I was being selfish or egocentric by wanting that. And of course if I would insist the musician's life.

Various doomscenarios came over me. I might not be successful, wouldn't have enough money to eat, of would end up as single for eternity and not to be happy. Well, I'm still single and maybe not always happy, but I'm not sure if I would be more happy if I had another job. 
Now I have proven that I can make money as a musician. And if I do my best (or just mock the tax office), I make more than I do as a teacher. That  became less important to me anyway btw. Slowly I start to realize that if I die anyway, in between I better just do what I like. 


And then the egoism. Long time I had a feeling of guilt that if I were a musician I would only do the fun stuff and other people would work hard for their money. Or if I was a teacher I would contribute more to society. That's also why I went to Ghana as a volunteer. But just as everywhere there were some people laughing and some people crying.  I suspect that if they didn't know there were people who had more physical wealth, they wouldn't be less happy than we are. Well happiness is something's that hard to measure anyway. Furthermore the people there enjoyed music there as well.

I'm not sure why I ever thought that I should always find out what others expect of me, do that first before I can do what I want. Why work as a teacher, and spend the rest of my time on my passion, if I can my passion my living? I have my moments of doubt where catch myself thinking about 'normal' jobs. But I suspect that then not much later I'd catch myself of thinking about going back to music again.  
The sum is that I won't be better of if I do what I think others expect from me. So why not just do what I like? May sound trivial, but somehow it still remains a challenge..